


Watch Your Language

by LittlebutFiery



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Humor, Rated T exclusively for language, Team Mustang shenanigans, there's like...a lot of cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 15:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15173717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlebutFiery/pseuds/LittlebutFiery
Summary: Hawkeye fulfills her portion of a promise Mustang made the team.Or, the one in which Team Mustang has potty mouths.





	Watch Your Language

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the shenanigans in the East City Writer's Workshop Discord! I love you lovely humans very much, even if (because?) you inspire me to write fics like this at 1 am.

Mustang’s office in Central was no stranger to colorful vocabulary, considering the officers that worked there.

Fuery, of course, never took part, limiting himself to soft mutters of “heck” and “darn” whenever he was frustrated.

Falman generally avoided profanity as well, but had been known to let a word slip now and again.

Breda would grumble some impressive curses when particularly annoyed with his work – and shrieked them the one time Hawkeye forgot to mention she was bringing Hayate to work.

Havoc, well…had he invested in a swear jar as Mustang jokingly suggested, he could have practically bought Amestris.

The Colonel was no innocent, either, nor were Ed and Al, despite Mustang’s best attempts to scold the profanity out of the younger alchemists.

Hawkeye, though…her cursing was the subject of a long-standing bet in the office. She swore, like most officers, but there was a single word that had never left her lips.

And Roy Mustang had promised that the day Riza Hawkeye said “fuck,” the team could pack up and go home early.

The men had desperately tried to get it out of her. Teasing, prodding, taunting, pleading…on a particularly bad day Breda had offered to buy her lunch if she would just _please_ ensure they could leave early.

Nothing ever worked. She steadfastly refused to say it.

Until one otherwise-ordinary Friday.

It had been an exceptionally long week; full of dull meetings, inane paperwork, and the most catastrophically useless surveillance mission any of them had ever been on. At this point, they were just trying to stay awake until lunch.

Then it happened.

Hawkeye returned to the office from the records room, a small stack of papers in her hands. In her exhaustion, she miscalculated the distance between her feet and the corner of Mustang’s desk, catching her foot on it hard.

She stopped, wincing in pain, and they heard it.

An emotion-filled but barely audible, “ _Fuck!_ ”

The room went completely silent, seven pairs of eyes drawn to her.

Havoc was the first one to react, his eyes going wide, a crooked smile splitting his face as he yelled gleefully, “Oh, shit! _Ohhhh, shit!_ Fuck! She…shit! Goddamn, I never thought I’d see it! Hawkeye said fuck!”

Hawkeye’s face went scarlet as Havoc continued to cackle with joy, leaping from his chair and beginning to pack up his things.

“Lieutenant Havoc, dare I ask?” Mustang demanded weakly.

“You told us that the day Hawkeye said fuck, we could go home early,” Falman replied simply. “I think Havoc is holding you to that.”

“Damn straight I am!” Havoc grinned. He sang, “Hawkeye said fuck! This is the greatest day of my life!”

Mustang put his head in his hands.

“Can we watch our language?” Fuery protested. “Ed and Al are here…”

Ed was leaning heavily against Al, wheezing with laughter, while Al simply shrugged, “We’ve heard worse. Ed’s _said_ worse.”

“Still, though, Fuery has a point,” Breda chuckled. “Watch your fucking language, Hawkeye.”

This prompted a fresh round of laughter from Ed and Havoc, who at this point had tears running down their faces. Falman simply sighed, shaking his head, while Fuery began to match Hawkeye’s crimson complexion.

Mustang sighed. “Please get yourselves together. We have work to do.”

“But, boss!” Havoc whined. “You said we could go home!”

“I was _joking_ , Havoc,” Mustang scowled.

Havoc continued to complain and Breda wheedled, “C’mon, boss. This week has been miserable. Let us off the hook.”

Mustang sighed again, looking at Hawkeye, who reluctantly grumbled, “You did promise, sir.”

“Fine. You’re dismissed. Go home,” Mustang waved his hand dismissively. “This is a one-time offer, so I’d best not hear of it again.”

Havoc and Breda were out the door as soon as Mustang was done speaking, Falman close behind. Fuery at least had the dignity to close and put away the file he’d been working on before heading out with the Elrics.

Hawkeye set her stack of paperwork down on her desk and began to pack up her belongings when Mustang rose from his chair. She asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”

Mustang frowned, puzzled. “Packing up so I can go home.”

A small smile curved Hawkeye’s lips. “You said we could go home, sir. You said nothing about yourself.”

“What?” Mustang demanded.

“When you made the promise to the boys. You said very clearly that _we_ could go home if I were to swear. You neglected to mention yourself. And besides, you’re behind on your paperwork,” Hawkeye replied.

Mustang grit his teeth. “I’m not about to take orders from you, Lieutenant.”

“Well, I suppose I can always bring your paperwork over to your apartment tomorrow,” Hawkeye said. “If you’d prefer to work on a Saturday.”

“You’re a slave driver,” Mustang scowled, though he dutifully sat back down and picked up his pen.

Hawkeye smiled again, turning to go.

Something about her demeanor piqued Mustang’s interest. He hesitated until she was almost out the door before calling, “Lieutenant?”

“Yes, sir?” Hawkeye replied, pausing and facing him.

“You…didn’t happen to do that deliberately, did you?” Mustang asked. “Stubbing your toe and cursing?”

Again, that peculiar smile graced Hawkeye’s lips. “Whatever would make you think that, sir?”

With this, Hawkeye left, leaving Mustang in an empty office with the distinct feeling he had played himself for a fool.


End file.
